Minneapolis Pride...who knew?

Part 1

So one day I was at work devouring a pizza when I get a few texts from my cousin.  She was very excited about me going down to the cities and she may have been drinking as the message didn't quite make sense to me.  First of all...I was not aware that I had any days off.  Apparently she had set it all up for me so that I could enjoy one day of pride in sunny Minneapolis, MN.
So I finished work on Saturday, showered in a houseboat, put on my best driving clothes and jumped into the Trailblazer.  It wasn't long before I was completely bored.  I tried listening to my Spanish lessons but I was too busy day dreaming about the upcoming weekend.  What was pride in Minnesota going to be like?!?!  I hadn't exactly had the greatest of times at any pride in Texas...well that's not true.  I had great times at each Pride but really it was just because I was with fun people...everything else was kind of an after thought.    So as I made my way down to the big city I called my cousin to see what she had instore....turns out that she had nothing instore.  In fact...she wasn't even answering the phone.  Luckily my other cousin was more than willing to pick up the slack and we made plans to spend the evening.  So I spent the first night eating sushi and taking in all the action going around me.  After a brief sleep my other cousin called me in the morning to inform me that I was not only going to the parade...but I was actually IN the parade.  So I just kind of went with it.

The good thing was that I actually got to see a lot of the parade.  We were something like the 116th group/float and it was nearish the end.  Also I wasn't complaining that we were behind this badass all black drum line either.  As I watched the floats go past waiting for our turn a few things struck me...first of all, there were a lot of floats that really have nothing to do with gay pride.  Like the END WAR float.  Sure, I guess on the surface that is a good thought.  War usually sucks for all involved...but what does that have to do with gay pride?  I guess you have to think of them as an organization and not the message but that is difficult to do.  I just didnt' really like that there were people trying to "end war" while the rest of us are trying to get equality.  Let's stay on message here.

Another thing that I knew would happen but was still surprised people bothered were the strange protesters there.  There would be these random guys with cardboard signs and messages written on them.  They all really looked homeless to me, which is why I guess they have the kind of time to try to go by themselves to convince gay people god hates them.  The thing I really didn't understand was how little effort they put into it! I mean for real...you're trying to convince a group of gay dudes dressed in Gucci that your path is the right path and you show up with pants 4 sizes to big held together by an orange extension cord, and two different sized shoes!?!?  Also...he had spelled lesbian wrong.  I tried telling him that but I think he just thought I said being a lesbian was wrong and he started to talk with me and I just kept throwing candy at him until he went away.

Finally it came time for us to walk and that's when I realized another flaw in our plan...we were throwing the worst candy ever!  Who the hell wants those gross ass red and white mint candies you get for free at every business everywhere!?!?  If our group was handing out that candy for Halloween we would of been egged for sure.  Here we are trying to bribe children to believe gays are cool and we are handing them inferior candy...hell half of the kids I gave it to threw it back at us....