Mythbuster/creator

I decided that since I'm pretty sure I can't fix the crazy in the world that I"m just going to join them.  People don't care about facts anymore...they just look for things that reaffirm what they already believe, so I'm just going to make some things up and hope they catch on.

1. Obama was not only born in Africa, he's also secretly white.
     It's true.  I dare Obama to release his credit card information so that we can see the millions of dollars he spends on shoe polish each year. NOBODY HAS THAT MANY SHOES!  He's obviously a white dude. (side note he looks slightly like Alfred E. Newman as a white man) Also I saw him throw a baseball...he's not an athlete.  He talks like a white guy.  I didn't hear him say "Homie" once in any of his speeches...who does he think he's fooling?  Not me or Donald Trump, I'll tell you that!  He's only claiming to be black to secure the minority vote in America  and it worked.  So I think we should all start a petition to make him release all his credit card information because I can't think of a single reason why he wouldn't do it besides the fact that he's trying to hide that he's really white.

2.  Homosexuals recruit young men.
     I am here by stating that yes I was recruited.  When I turned 18 I got a letter in the mail from the Army, the Navy, and the FDA (Fairy Dust Academy).  After weighing my many options and only after being aproved for a low interest loan I finally decided to become Gay.  That totally not anti-gay Senator from Montana was onto something.  WE DO recruit.  Duh.  How else would there be gay people?  I was very happy living my life perusing the vagina when this man in rainbow fatigues jumped out of the bushes and convinced me to be gay.  My reasoning was that since everyone is so understanding and not bigoted in any way there was no reason for me to not easily switch sides and be gay.  I mean penis...vagina...who cares right?!!?  All it takes is a smooth talking gay to make all those hetero boys change teams.  It's obviously not intense social and religious pressure for them to hide their sexuality....

3.  Bacon is bad for you...bacon grease however will make you immortal.
     Doctors are out to get you but they do it in a clever way.  See they want to keep you aging so you get old and sick and then they buy yachts in the Caribbean and drink Shirley Temples out of goblets made of crystallized dinosaur bones.  Here is the truth, and you can trust me I read medical files for a living...I have an inside source.  Bacon Grease hardens your arteries which not only lets the blood flow throw faster but also prevents them from distributing the aging drug that has been released into the air by the man who invented the nursing home.  It all makes perfect sense if you close one eye and bang your head on your desk.

4.  Aliens exist but there is no such things as flying saucers.
     It's really just giants playing frisbee.  Quit being stupid.

5.  Listen this is the most important and I don't think I have much time.  I probably shouldn't be wasting all this time telling you how much time I don't have at the moment.  I think someone is on to me and my truth sharing blog.  But I must get this final crucial piece out before they shut me down.  I really can't stress enough how much tim....

6.  Nothing to see here folks.  All is well.  Please keep breathing the air.