A few days ago I finally bit the bullet and got a hair cut. Just so you know...i look damn good. I've been needing one badly for about 5 hundred years (give or take some major exaggeration). The problem I have with hair cuts is that they are so damn expensive and I am convinced that went people look at my hair all they see is color, put in a trance, and are unable to properly explain what they are looking at. I say this because nobody ever seems to agree with me that I need a haircut nor that I ever had my hair cut. Yet they all are convinced that I've spent hundreds of thousands of dollars dying my hair to match the color of pure sunshine.
I think though...i found someone I like. No offense to my hair cutting friends out there, but men just don't need a haircut over $15. I don't need it styled, and dyed, and primped...it makes no sense. I've had the $50 haircuts. I've had the $10 hair cuts...it's all the same. I'm not saying there isn't skill involved. I once tried doing it myself and it was a national disaster. FEMA still hasn't recovered. It made dogs howl. It was the one issue republicans and democrats agreed on. Caused cancer in lab mice...Even Charlie Sheen thought I looked crazy...ok i'll stop. I think the problem was that I tried using meat shears...but who is to say.
Anywho. I went in and got my much needed haircut. There were 6 stylists and one of them was going to win the opportunity to get me to sit in the chair and not talk to them. Which reminds me. Why do they all INSIST on chatting ...just cut my damn hair. I don't want to be buddies. Do a good job and I'l come back...I'm not coming back because you asked me how my day was and talked about your vacation to Mexico. I just don't want to chat when I'm getting a hair cut and two things usually happen. One, they feel weird that I'm not talking, which makes me feel weird, which pisses me off. I'm not rude, I just give short answers which one would assume means I"m not really in a chatty mood. But nooooo...stylists seem to be completely shocked that anyone anywhere doesn't want to banter on about hair cutting gossip. So either we both start feeling weird or they don't even seem to notice and they just babble. This usually leads to the most inane one sided conversations. If you let people talk they will tell you the most private things for no damn reason. (There are old blogs here somewhere about a racist stylist, and a dude who was trying to hide porn from his wife who he hated.)
But this day I was lucky, and luck was a lady. She looked and sounded like an imitation of Gloria from Modern Family. There is one thing and one thing only that will actually make me want to hear you talk and that's having a sexy Latin accent. growl. Not the "I don't really speak English Latin" accent, but the "I speak English perfectly fine but I still sound sexual" Latin accent. She was all, "Aye Papi, how jew whant me to cut jewr air?"
Conversation started as usual. She asked me what I was doing and blah blah blah...But then her conversation started getting oddly factual. Somehow she slipped in that she was done at 7 and single. She also was slyly asking whether I lived close by and if I had a girlfriend. I admit...I flirted some, i mean obviously that's not going anywhere but hey it was fun. Plus she had this long nails and was massaging my scalp and it felt uhmazing. Then while she had me in her grasp she asked if I wanted to just got a piano bar later and just reeeelax. And I had to tell her that I played for the other team. She was a little embarrassed but was nice about it.
Anyway. The end result was actually a really good haircut. I think I should of had her cut the sides a little shorter but there are no lines and it's even. She does good work. Hooray Super Cuts...haha.
until next time,
D
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