Friday, September 17, 2010

Why I hate talking with people...except you. I love talking to you.

Talking with people is a lot of work...it really is.  If I'm going to be moving my mouth that much there better be bacon coming into it...just sayin.  That being said, there is one thing I hate more than talking...text messaging.  Don't get me wrong.  i do it all day everyday...mostly because text messaging had turned a 5 minute conversation into a 3 hour long read-a-thon.  I know what you're thinking, because you're an ass and we think alike.  You're wondering why i have text messaging if I hate it so much.  The answer is simple...nobody calls anymore.  If I didn't have text, I'm pretty sure I wouldn't talk to anyone...ever.  You can order fuckin' pizza by text message now.  Is that REALLY necessary?  Have I shunned human contact so much that I don't even want to have to say words to a human in order to get a $15 slab of bread with canned tomatoes on it?  The thing i hate most about texting, is that you have to be able to read between the lines because people tend to not say what they are thinking.  I am not really used to this but I am learning.  The weird thing is that by being aloof and vague people are more likely to do what I want than if I were to just ask them directly.  For instance here is a recent conversation I had with someone by text.  I had tried several times to text this person and call and they never responded.  Randomly they decided to text me after a few weeks.  In ( ) is what they really meant and what I really meant.


Them: What are you doing?  (Want to do something with me?)
Me: Nothing important, watching TV and petting the dog.  (What did you have in mind?)
Them: I"M SOOOO HUNGRY (Want to go eat?)
Me: I'm always hungry.  Have you ever been to Your Mom's? (Yes I do.  Want to eat at Your Mom's?)
Them:  Never heard of it, how do I get there?  (Can I ride with you?)
Me: Why don't I just pick you up? (I'll come get you because I know you're retarded)
Them: I dunno, I don't want you to go out of your way. (Yes please come get me.)
Me: No, it's cool.  We can chat in the car.  (It's on the way)
Them: Ok cool, want to go at 5? (How does 6 sound?)
Me: Yeah sure I need to shower and stuff anyway. (I'm playing Halo)

If it were me I'd just try to say what I wanted in as few texts as possible.  I would of sent one text saying, "Hey do you want to go to Your Mom's burgers at 6?"  They never would of responded...even if that's what they wanted to do.  Because people are annoying.  They can't commit to a time or a place, but if you bring it up organically somehow in conversation they'll do it every time.  It doesn't matter if that was your agenda all a long, you have to say it in a round about way.

Here is another conversation I had with someone.

Me: Hey, do you want me to bring over my controllers?
Them: Hold on I cant text right now.

WTF?!?!?  It's a Yes or NO question and you write an entire sentence about how you can't text...what is the matter with people?

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