Saturday I will of course be attending a sail boat racing class. It's pretty random, even for me. Being from the woods in Minnesota I naturally have an affinity for all things sailboat. I don't imagine my 10 summers of working at Vermilion Houseboats is going to translate to sailboat racing.
There was about a 6 month period during high school where for some reason I would wake up every morning and watch Gilligan's Island while I ate my breakfast. I learned many things about driving a sail boat from that show...even though they crashed. First of all, I need to go out and get a blue blazer. I know that the rich guy wasn't the driver but when I think of the Yacht Club I think of him. I need a white hate, a blue blazer, some grey slacks and a nice ascot, something bold but you know, not trashy. Then I need to bring a martini glass, a jar of olives, water (it LOOKS like vodka) and some caviar. I imagine my spot on the racing team will require me to sit on the helm wearing my new outfit and drinking my martini glass filled with water and olives. Every once in a while I will encourage the team to sail faster by sticking my nose up at them and saying something smarmy. I will also pretend to eat my caviar but will probably spit it into a napkin and tuck it in my slacks like the last time I tried caviar.
I'm also hoping they don't mind if I throw a line out and troll while we are sailing. I haven't been fishing for a very long time and I miss the thrill of sitting in a boat while it gently rocks back and forth.
Failing that I'm hoping that our boat can have a pirate theme. When I was young I wanted to be three things. A milk man, a garbage man and a pirate (dream big my parents always said). I'm thinking of manufacturing some sort of peg leg and I already have an assortment of eye patches. We could sing old pirate songs and I wouldn't have to shower when I got up that day.We could put up the skull and crossbones flag and if our team isn't winning the race I could start a mutiny! Now that I think on it, it's kind of hot here so I don't really know if I want to be dressed up like Johny Depp in that movie about the carnival ride. I guess we could be naked pirates, but then how would you really know we were pirates. We'd just be naked dudes walking around shouting, "ARRRRRR" all the time. May be if we still wore eye patches that would be sufficient.
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