I'm about to reveal something that I usually try to hide from the world. I have a slight chapstick addiction. I know the world sees me as a lumberjack of a man. Traveling the Minnesota woods, eating stacks of pancakes, chopping down trees with a single swoop of my ax, and wrestling with my big blue ox. That's either me or Paul Bunyan...using my head it's actually quite hard to tell the difference. But my lips are sensitive...like a flower made of snowflakes. And yes I've already heard it all before. The lip balm companies secretly inject their applications with lip drying enzymes and minerals...or something like that. And to that I say, "Good on them." Yeah sometimes I go Australian. Anyway I don't care if that's true. I'm willing to admit that possibly, may be, there might be some truth to the argument that if I just stopped using the chapstick, my lips would be able to take care of themselves. But I've tried it...it hurts. For a while I tried just keeping a jar of petroleum jelly by the bed so I could just smear it on at night. It worked good enough but the jar was gigantic and wasn't really portable and I also had a hard time explaining to the people who'd walk in my room for no good reason why I felt the need to have an industrial sized tub of petroleum jelly on my night stand. Lately I've been attempting to use lotion on the old kisser. This has had some positive effect but it doesn't last that long and also kind of tastes terrible.
I don't use the medicated sticks, they smell like medicine and I don't think I'm diseased. Oddly enough I actually dislike the chapstick brand chapstick. Some of them are flavored which just causes me to lick my lips...which causes them to dry out. Also the red one makes it look I've been drinking cherry Kool Aid. No, my brand of choice is Burt's Beeswax the peppermint kind. I like it because it's natural, which means I'm trendy, and also the peppermint makes my lips slightly tingle, which makes me think they won't get dandruff. Tingling means it's working right? An added bonus is that the peppermint smell makes it smell like I brush my teeth...as long as I don't open my mouth.
Anyway my one problem with pretty much every lip balm ever invented (well except for the girly sparkly kinds) is that they come in a cylindrical tube. Which means the instant you drop one or set one down...it rolls away. Do you know how many quarter used Burt's Beeswax tubes I have laying around right now? Me neither! I just know that every time I look under the bed I see that guy that stays under there has the most luscious lips. So my invention is the square lip balm tube. This way if I drop it...it stays put.
I'd also just like to point out that you may think I'm an idiot for writing about lip balm, but I equally find it odd that you just read all of it.
Anyway peace,
D
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