feelin fine

My last blog was May 13th and it was about me being ill. Do the kids still say illin? I know I do. Anyway it’s now the 25th and guess what…I’m still feelin the effects. I don’t get sick that often and when I do it usually lasts like three days but this is getting redonkulous. Yeah I said redonkulous…deal with it. It’s not that I caught the cold of the century or anything it’s just that my worse than average cold turned into a TERRRRRRRRRIBLE sinus infection. I’ve never had a sinus infection. I guess it’s my own fault for ignoring my sinuses all these years. Like everyone else about once a week I think good thoughts to different parts of my body. Just normal things like, “Hello toenails, please don’t become ingrown.” Or, “Good day brain, you sure are lookin’ tumorless today!” I guess my sinuses have become bitter and jealous and are acting out in the only way they know how.
It’s really kind of a gross mess. About once every hour I blow my nose and this giant coagulated bloody mess is exuded from my sinus. I feel good for about 5 minutes after that and slowly the pressure builds. The worst part is that doing things makes it worse and I really do try to pretend that I’m fine. But every movement and change of position feels like someone is squeezing my skull. Have you ever seen those old Popeye cartoons where Bluto puts him in a bear hug and squeezes and then Popeye’s head swells up and becomes red and then purple and then turns into a turnip? It feels like that. Also, now that I’m on the subject of Popeye I have a few things to say. First why a turnip? Secondly…Olive Oyl? Really? Could there be a more annoying damsel in distress? I kind of feel Bluto could do better and if he really won Olive Oyl from Popeye he’d see that. By far the best character was the guy that just randomly walked around finding hamburgers the entire time. I think his name was Wimpy…and I think I just figured out my Halloween costume!
Anyway back to more pleasant talk about snot. My sinuses are the clown car of sinuses. The amount of expellant that has come from there is not possible by the laws of man. I am convinced there is a tiny little wormhole in my sinus that leads to another dimension that is filled with snot. That’s not really the bad part, the bad part is the headache that comes with it. Randomly the right side of my head starts to hurt. I feel like my right eye is either popping out or drooping…or both…don’t argue with me. My ears are plugged so everyone that talks to me sounds like a whale…again don’t argue. And just when I’m walking around and feeling like things are going good the slightest breeze will strike my eye and I start crying like I ate the best burger ever. I don’t know how good a burger has to taste in order for it to bring a tear to my eye but I do know that it’s topped with bacon.
Truthfully each day since Saturday I’m feeling slightly better and pretty much able to function. I can’t workout or anything because it would be hell but I am able to stay awake most the day. Except when I decide to take these pills my brother has…they put me right out.
Until next time,
D