butta

When I get bored or frustrated or antsy I usually go for a walk. It's a very old man thing to do but when you live alone in a city where you know nobody, it's at least something. Every once in a while when I go for a walk strange things happen...like the time I was chased be a goat.
Today I was walking along listening to a podcast when in the distance I saw a man watering his lawn. I didn't really pay much attention but as I got closer I realized that he wasn't wearing any pants...even stranger he was wearing black dress socks, a white long sleeved button up shirt and a red tie. I spent the next hour trying to imagine a scenario where these would be an acceptable outcome. Did a sudden urge to water the lawn interrupt his dressing or undressing? May be he just forgot to put pants on? May be he has really nice pants, so nice that he didn't want to risk watering the lawn in them, but decided changing the shirt was unnecessary. But even then...who waters the lawn in socks? Socks are notorious for soaking up liquids. Barefoot or wearing shoes is always a must when using water. I wanted to ask him what the deal was, but I have a pretty strict rule of not talking to guys not wearing pants.
After the walk I decided to go to the grocery store and fill the up the ol' gas guzzler with some petrol. They have 432 million gas pumps at the gas station at the grocery store and of course every one of them had a 3 car line...and for some reason everyone seems to have a need to pay for their gas in cash. Who uses cash anymore?!!? This is not important, what is important was that I saw a Mexican man trying to fill up his Honda with diesel fuel. I am a hero of the people so I tried explaining to him that it wasn't the right kind of gas. Unfortunately he was a straight up Mexican dude and had no idea what I was saying. I tried the Spanish i remembered from high school but unfortunately I only know how to ask where the library is at and how to say calculator. I did famously get to use my library asking abilities here in Kyle when I met a man who didn't speak English and I was out walking around trying to find the library...but I still think it is one of the very worst phrases I could ever learn. Let's say I'm in Spain and for some very strange reason I need to find the library...I might as well be a blind man going to a strip club because there isn't a damn thing I"m going to be able to read....Anyway I'm trying desperately to get this guy to understand that the reason the pump doesn't fit in his gas tank is because it's not the right kind of gas, but he just stares at me. I even try the old stand by of talking louder and slower but he still isn't getting it...and then I swear I hear him say the words "blanco" and "diablo." Anyway I gassed up and left and I hope that guys car blew up.

Until next time,

D

Politics=MTVs Realworld

These last few weeks have legitimized my idea of completely separating my self from any politics. I used to read the political news daily and watched the news channels often...the best decision I ever made was to stop that. Basically CNN, FOX, CNBC, are equal to the E! channel. They are filled with old white men who act like 13 year old girls. They have no ability to see or report things without letting their emotions control their every world. They fight and bicker and I can not understand how anyone could ever even consider anything Bill O'Really, Keith Blatherman, or Sean Hammity can even be considered legitimate news. (you like those names, I came up with them on the fly...clever right?) All that being said the little girl attitude seems to have spilled into actual politician policy.
I used to think that politicians were just jackasses out for the easy dollar and power...now I wonder how our country is able to function.
First off...Politicians even considering taking time out of their day to formally recognize Michael Jackson is one of the dumbest things I've ever heard in my life. I don't even care if you think he's a child rapist or not...He's a freakin SINGER!! Do we really need take time out of a Senate or House meeting to recognize him...what could that possibly do for our country? They already waste enough time, don't give them any more reasons.
Secondly the whole Wilson outburst of "You lie!" Do I think Wilson was wrong. Yep. I like Obama. But Wilson, ok...he got carried away...it was immature and dumb and I'm pretty sure grade schools have better mannered student senates...That being said do the rest of the politicians do the mature thing and leave it alone? NO! They act like fuckin' drama queens from "The Hills" and make a huge deal out of it...get a life. Do they do their consulting with Perez Hilton? What happened to just being a man and dealing with actual issues. Did you notice that nobody actually talks about whether it was a lie or not, just that he had the nerve to interrupt his speech...politicians are such divas.
Now everyone is in an uproar over Obama saying Kanye acted like a jackass...Am I the only person who doesn't find this to be news? Doesn't everyone agree Kanye acted like a jackass? Doesn't Kanye act like a jackass on a daily basis? I love his music...if he offered to come to my house and throw a concert, fuck ya I'd let him...If he wanted to have dinner and discus the topics of the day though, I'd pass...well I'd still go just for the laughs. Still, is the president not allowed to have opinions about things? I'm pretty sure he likes and dislikes many things...who cares.

See politics angries up the blood...the world would be better if they made me king...this bill of rights thing is for pansies.

Done back blogin'

It's been a while since I wrote a true blue blog about my very exciting life. When we last left our hero he was writing words about video games for a little site called Bitmob. I've had a lot of positive response and have had my articles featured countless times...>1=countless. I still have conflicting thoughts on the matter because on one hand I do want to pursue a life of video game journalism and any practice I can get is appreciated, but on the other hand I have no avenue to report actual video game news so if you wanted to be crass you could say that I'm just some loser who sits at home writing his opinion about video games on the Internet...like a billion other losers...and on my third hand i remember that I'm an F'n stud and anything I do is golden. I really have enjoyed writing about games though. Truthfully I don't really write about actual games, more about geek culture. In my last featured article I made up a story about going golfing with 2 really old people and how it inspired me to think about the future and whether I would still be playing games...In reality none of it happened...don't tell.

Let's see what else is new...Oh I now have an automatic garage door opener. It's going to really come in handy when I have somewhere to go....For some dumb reason I can't ever remember that I have this little machine so when I get home I still get out of the car to open the door...SMRT.

I've also started a job at Target...My last attempt at a second job was not successful as I didn't want to hang out with criminals and morons...This one seems more promising. Target pays Zero dollars an hour and I'm not even sure that I come out ahead each day I have to drive into work, but I have succeeded at meeting real life people...no more cardboard cut outs for me. In fact I have invited a few of them over to my house tonight for a little get together. I'm slightly nervous that nobody shows up, and I'm even more nervous that only one person shows up and it's someone I didn't really want to come in the first place.

Still Target has been a relief so far. I actually enjoy going into work. It's a nice contrast to reading medical files and working on the computer. The store isn't open yet and really I've just been setting up shelves like slave labor, but it's a welcome break from walking back and forth from the fridge and the couch all day.

I also bought alcohol for the first time in my life for this party...It was a strange trip as I felt like I was breaking the law..then I felt a little sad that the guy behind the counter didn't even blink at the thought I might not be of age...Also it turns out I have no idea what people like to drink. Did you know there are over a billion different types of Vodka? I don't even know what you drink Vodka with? Chocolate milk? On a lighter note I did get carded trying to buy super glue at the grocery store. They even tried to deny me as I don't have a Texas license...I'm not really sure the reasoning behind carding people for products like Super Glue. Is there a database of known glue sniffers? What if I'm 17 and I need to glue something...do I really need to have my mom go into the store to get it? Also at what age does sniffing glue become legal? Anyway they sold me the glue so I guess that means it's legal for me to start sniffing it.

Until next time,

D