RGIS is the devil...if the devil is fat and lazy

My love affair with RGIS has officially come to a close. I could no longer put up with the surreal situations that I found myself in. At first I was amused by the ridiculousness of the people, but after a while that amusement changed to contempt.
First there was Fred. Fred was by far my favorite person at RGIS. He's probably the only person I met there that I actually liked. Not that there aren't people there that I would like, it's just that the people I had direct contact with were mostly crazy or idiots. Fred and I had nothing in common, but still I like him. There are parts of Fred that are commendable. He's really friendly and I think most people can't help but like him. That being said Fred lives in his own little world. He has by my count at least 6 kids with 6 different ladies. He sees this as an accomplishment but doesn't feel any of the guilt of not being a part of their lives. He's been to prison, for 4 years, and is going back. I never really asked him about it, but one day I got the full story of why he's going back. It was 5:00 am, which in my head is not usually a time I am on the phone. Fred however is always on the phone. This particular morning he was on the phone with one of his babies mamas. I usually just tune him out, but this time something caught my ear. First you have to know that he was talking in a tone that I would talk to an old friend...like we were reminiscing about something funny that happened to us a few years ago. I'm sure you know the kind of story I'm talking about, a completely friendly and cheerful conversation. Except the tone of Fred's story didn't quite match the content as this is where I started listening:
You know I had to hit you, mama(he calls all ladies mama). You were coming at me with a knife, and I had nowhere else to go. You had that killa look in your eyes. *chuckles* You grabbed a knife from your kitchen and took three busses to get across town and came at me. That's why I like you, you crazy....
They then laughed about it for a while and continued:
You're mama called me and she straight up told me, "If you hurt my little girl, I'll kill you." I don't mess with your moms. Your daddy calls though and he's all, "Oh Denise she's crazy, you know how she gets." Your moms a gangsta bitch from Russia. *more chuckles*
Then he started talking about how she's not getting child support from a different kid she has. He's not mad that she makes him pay, in fact he goes on to talk about how fast she got the paper work through, but he's angry that the other guy doesn't have to pay. He then talked for a good five minutes about how he was going to kick that guys ass.
Then he starts telling her about what he did to be going back to prison. And again, he's saying it in a tone and cadence that I would use if I was telling you about the time I ate a sandwich.
I was over at this girls house and her boy came home and walked in on us. I threw his punk ass out of his own house. I sat by the door with a shotgun and my desert eagle on my lap. I told him if he had a problem with that he should come on back to his house. He said he didn't have a problem, but that his boys might. So he sends this Mexican dude over and I show him my gun and he all wants to talk and finally he says, "whoa this isn't worth dieing over." So then he calls me on the phone and he asks me, "Whatcha gonna do?" So I told him, "I'm going to strangle your wife and drown you kids in the tub." And I even told him, " I bet your punk ass has the police on the other line." So then 10 minutes later I hear a bunch of sirens and I look out the window and there are 8 squad cars in the cul-de-sac. I'm thinking, "What is going on in this neighborhood, there is something going down." So I go outside to see who's getting busted and wouldn't you know it, it's me getting busted! *chuckles* I told that cop, "You better not come around here anymore because I never forget a face." He said, "are you threatening me?" I said, "I never forget a face." He then said, "You have mental problems." Then we got to the store and I didn't hear anymore of the story. Next time I will talk briefly about Cheryl...she was a real gem of a lady.