Word Up G

First an update on my friend Fred. Besides trying to touch random vehicles he also is a rapper and has his own album. And to my own surprise I'm a little excited about it. I have no idea what he is saying in his songs and I think they took some of the beats from hit songs, but I'm still oddly impressed with Fred. I found out this information when we were eating tacos at some little dive, and he was in love with our waitress, so he gave her his card and introduced himself as a rapper. My first thought was, "Smoooooth." Saying you're a rapper, even if you're terrible, is still an improvement over saying you do auditing for gas stations. My second thought was wondering if that makes me a part of his crew? I hope I get to pick out the gang colors if I am...I have a lot of blue shirts so it will probably be centered around that. Anyway click here to hear Fred spit hot fire.

Today i spent a lot of time in a car day dreaming when I decided that my problem with writing is that I'm really good at thinking up titles but not good at writing a story that goes along with them. Today I thought of the book title, "The Truth About Mustard." It sounds pretty artsy, I'd probably never read that book, but still I really like the title. So I started trying to think of a story that would go along with the title and all I came up with was something about Ketchup spreading dirty lies in a smear campaign against mustard...it is pretty riveting.

Then I thought of a good song title, "No Postage Necessary." Pretty good right? But then I quickly realized that "necessary" is a really hard word to rhyme. May be I should ask Fred?

Adventures with Fred

So lately I've been carpooling with the two guys I started working with. I had been driving everywhere we worked but since we sometimes drive over 70 miles a day I decided it was time to bite the bullet. Chris (the white guy) and Fred (the black guy) sit in the front and talk and I sit in the back trying desperately to pretend that I'm somewhere else. Today though I realized that it's like watching a TV show, which I've called "Adventures with Fred." Fred is definitely one of the most interesting people I've ever met. For one, he talks non stop from the moment we get in the car until the moment we get out. Usually the car rides break down like this: First thing he does in the morning is starts talking about the movie he saw the night before. Last night he apparently saw Blades of Glory and I have to say that having Fred recite it to me was way better than actually seeing the movie in person. After that he started talking about how he wants to live in Nevada because he get pick up prostitutes and they'll only give him a ticket (since he saw that happen on cops.) Then Fred asks me, "Have you been in prison?" I respond, "Uh, no Fred. I haven't been in prison." Fred reacts like this is the most amazing thing he has ever heard...here I am 26 and haven't even been in prison 1 time. He keeps saying, "For REAL? Not even once?!?" "No, Fred...not once." Just then he sees a buzzard eating a raccoon and he rolls down the window and yells, 'HEY YO FALCON! LET THAT RACCOON DIE IN PEACE!" Then he sees a lady mowing the lawn and he yells, "THAT's RIGHT MAMA. YOU MOW THAT LAWN! THAT AIN'T NO MAN'S JOB!" The next block there is a dude and he yells, "YOU GONNA LET YOUR GIRL MOW THE LAWN!?!?" Then in the next breath he says, "Man I want half the worlds children to be mine." Then in a girls voice, "I want a boy" "BAM!!" and he does a little hip thrust. "I want twin girls!" "BAM! BAM" thrust thrust. "I want quadruplets!!" "BAM! BAM! BAM!" Thrust, thrust, thrust...
Then he turns around, "Have you ever even been arrested?"

No Fred....

Monyay

I'm officially one week into my new wonderful second job and since it's really the only new thing I have to talk about I'm going to give you all the juicy details. First off, I'm taking inventory...mystery over. Basically I go around to different businesses and count their things for them. So I now not only read medical files all day, I also count things too...I'm a complete package ladies. Anyway at first I pretty much hated my new job. The entire airport ordeal made me want to run around the terminal yelling, "Bomb! Bomb!" I was going to quit until I was asked to take up a new job counting things at gas stations...I know what you're thinking...glamorous. And you'd be right. I actually like it a lot better than before. I basically will be working with the same two guys 5 days a week, and the nice thing is that I like working with them. We probably won't be hanging out after work, but they are not stupid, jerks, or annoying, or lazy, and are good at what they do, which pretty much makes them 2 of the best people I've met at RGIS. Of course we have completely different personalities. I show up to work with a clean shirt tucked into my khaki dockers everyday and they make fun of me. They also smoke and are pretty crude and racist, but not really racist, they just have more a "shock humor" personality. One of them is a black guy named Frank and the other is a white guy named Chris. I don't know what the black guy is saying 95% of the time but he knows the price of every item in every store and it saves me a lot of time. He also calls every girl, "Mama" which I find hilarious, and every ten minutes he's checking some other girl out. The white guy tells a lot of stories about how he owns a lot of guns and how he's going to shoot a variety of things, including people...I sometimes complain about how hot it is...basically that is our social interaction. They remind me a little of the guys that I worked with at Vermilion Houseboats so I consider them all good people. The one draw back is that I have to get up way earlier than I've ever wanted to in my life. Usually I wasn't going to bed by the time I now have to get up. But that also means that we are done with enough time for me to read my medical files...yay.

Bad day, gone bad...

So I've started my new mystery job...and I've decided I'm not going to tell you what it is...it's like a magic trick, wanting to know is the good part and once you know it's nothing...Oh the mystery is killing you right now isn't it!

Anyway my new job involves me going around to a lot of places. The second place I worked was the airport and I am never going to work at the airport again. First off I carpooled with a lady who got lost on the way there because she KNEW a short cut so I spent a good hour longer in her car listening to her yammer about whatever it is that morons yammer about. Then I spent an hour again not being paid waiting for the security people to give me a sticker saying i"m not a terrorist. The work was fine as long and I'm still learning but it's easy work and the day flew bye. After that i was told that the lady I carpooled with wasn't ready to leave yet so I had to catch a ride home with some other stranger....First we had to find some Lady's purse in some other ladies car. Of course that lady couldn't remember what the car looked like so we walked around until she found it. She also happens to be the worlds slowest walker and apparently she wasn't in any hurry to leave the damn parking garage. Did I mention it happens to be 100 degrees outside and muggy? Well have now. So after finding little miss Sunshine's purse the lady who is going to drive us remembers that she doesn't know where she parked...she doesn't know what floor or anything. She just tells me, it's a green van and I parked on the left side. I ask her if she means the left side when walking east or the left side when walking west...she responds, "I don't know." So I walk around for a half and hour looking for a green van. Of course I find at least 10 green vans but we've all split up to find the van with no way of telling each other we found it. By this time I'm hot sweaty and thinking that these have to be the dumbest people I've ever met in my entire life. Finally I just give up and wait by the exit when the lady walks by saying she hasn't found her car yet but she'll pick me up if she does...I wait another half an hour and eventually everyone finds me and waits with me and finally the lady pulls up in her BLUE van. She then tells me that she just moved here last June and doesn't know how to get back to where we parked our cars...so I drive her van....smartest decision she ever made.


Anyway I'm a little grumpy today so I"m just going to keep complaining. I was moved to a new group for my new job. They've been looking for someone new that wasn't retarded and I fit the bill. So now I'm going to be driving around to gas stations across central Texas. The nice thing is that I make more money and I have a set schedule. The bad thing is that I now have to get up at 3 or 4 in the morning and then sometimes work at night as well.

But let me tell you about my day...I got up early went to work and then went to the dentist. You see I chipped a tooth and apparently it costs 1100 dollars to have it fixed...so I did that. I was not happy about it. What I don't like is that there is no way of knowing whether I needed that much work or not. Last time they just patched it up and one of the patches fell off so I assumed they'd just patch it again...But they wanted to put a crown on it. So now my completely painless tooth with a chip in it, is all fixed and hurts like a BITCH! So I leave the dentist, angry, poor, and the entire side of my face numb and drooling. I'm backing out of my spot when some dumb lady comes flying in her 1995 Honda POS and stops right behind me. I have to slam on my brakes which then causes my cellphone to scoot off it's perch and lands right into my cup of water...Good bye iphone. So then I went and bought a new Iphone...and I find out that I'm going to have to pay 10 dollars more and they charged me 18 dollars for a one time upgrade fee...I was a complete ass to the man behind the counter over that 18 dollars but I don't think he understood a word I said as the side of my face was still numb and slobbery...

Then to really cap off my day I was driving back to my house on the free way stuck behind some dumb ass in the smallest Toyota pickup I've seen. He had a Viva Spurs sticker in his window (which made me mad enough) and he was going 55 mph in the fast lane of the free way.

There, I feel better...

i still hate you.

mo' money mo' problems.

Yesterday I started a second job. Moving to Texas has been expensive and I like buying things. I had two options, I could cut back on things or I could make more money. I also have been living here for 7 months and really haven't met anyone that I didn't know before that I hang out with on a consistent basis. I felt that a new career was the way to go. I've been looking for a while and couldn't find any jobs that paid as well as the one I have. So I lowered my expectations and decided I would find a second job to complement my current job. Slowly I realized that a second job that meets my requirements was going to be hard to find. Finally I found this new job. When I signed up for it online I had really no idea what I was signing up for. I knew the amount of money they were offering and that the hours were going to be flexible enough where I could work it around my current job. So over a week ago I went in for an interview. Strangely the interview was at JCPenney's even though I wasn't going to be working for JcPenney's. I assumed that this JcPenney's had some sort of attached offices, but after walking around I realized that it was just a regular JCPenney's. I asked a few clerks who looked at me as if I was retarded and then I decided I would just go sit by the one door I found that said "Personal Only." It was the only door that didn't lead outside or into the back storage. There were also chairs out front so I assumed it was my best bet. Unfortunately it was right next to the bathrooms, so there I sat for 20 minutes staring at the people come in and out of the bathroom. My interview was at 5:30 and now it was 5:40 so just when I decided that I was going to give them 5 more minutes someone walked by and asked if I was here for the interview. So then we went into the meeting room where she said that it was going to be a group interview but I was so far the only person to show up. We waited while a few others arrived and then she said we would start and the others could catch up if they arrived. She then handed us a sheet a paper about the company and read it to us. Afterwards she asked if we had any questions and just then two others arrived. It was at this moment I had my first "uhoh" thought. I looked around the room. Next to me was a man and his girlfriend. He was wearing twelve gold and silver rings and had a gold tooth and looked slightly like Eddie Griffin. He was kind of funny so I guess that's what reminded me of Eddie Griffin...then again I've never thought Eddie Griffin was funny...I dunno. Anyway he's wearing that, his girlfriend is wearing jeans and a shirt, the guy next to her has a t-shirt jean combo, the lady next to him is wearing a polo shirt and jeans, and the interviewer is wearing a polo shirt and khaki's which is apparently the recommend garb. Then there is me. I'm wearing shiny black shoes, black Gucci dress pants, tucked in Eddie Bauer collared shirt, and my hairs all slicked up. When I went there I was thinking, "I am one good looking man." at that moment however I was thinking, "I look like I'm selling timeshares." I had debated whether I needed a tie or not and I'm glad I decided against it. We then started the one on one interviews, which took place outside the meeting room in the hallway...standing. We each took turns and I volunteered to go first as I'm such a brave man. The one on one interview took about 3 minutes. She asked me if I had a car and if I could work weekends...interview over. I then sat in the meeting room while the other interviews went on. Most took for some reason around 10 minutes, but one lady took 20 minutes. Afterwards she gave us some paperwork which we were to take home but I had filled out before she finished reading to us once again. She then told us to look for an email or phone call stating when our training would be. And that was that...I was hired. It was a strange interview, but so far the people I've met seem really nice.