Fun times for fun people...fun

I keep reading in the news that there is an outbreak of swine flu going around. And I really can't think of a more unfortunate title for an epidemic. I mean not only would you have some sort of terrible disease but you would have to tell people you have a case of the "swine flu." You know they went through the names and rejected "pig flu" and "hog flu" finally settling on the dignified "swine flu." I guess the symptoms are like the regular flu accompanied by uncontrollable oinking. (rim shot) I am however doing my part as a humanitarian to fight this disease by eating as much bacon as possible. My logic is simple; if there are no swine, there can be no swine flu.

Another item I saw in the news is that there was the first ever same sex marriage in Iowa. I'm all for same sex marriage and equality. I like that there are people different than me and have no malice towards others...really the nice think about equality is that someday I'd be able to make fun of people without looking like a bigot. That being said in my head they are all equal already so let me start making fun of the first lesbian couple in Iowa.

Here they are...Mrs and Mrs Pacman just after getting married. I dunno. I'm a jerk, and I accept this. But these two ladies are the face of gay marriage in Iowa...and now they are going to celebrate by going to Arby's. You would of thought they would of put a little more effort into getting ready. And while I have conflicting thoughts about their privacy and how they obviously didn't want their picture taken, I would of thought they'd of had a little more pride in this achievement....someone get them a bedazzler.

Shermer twins activate

Last weekend was another busy weekend for me. By "another busy weekend" I of course mean it was the second busy weekend I have ever had. The Shermer girls came to visit and it was a splendid time. It was a short visit and I think we got a lot done in that amount of time. The highlight of the weekend of course being the "First Annual Wiffleball Tournament Extravaganza." I gathered some friends, told them to meet at the park and to bring me food and we had a good time. The nice thing about having old friends meet new friends is that I can make up things about them and tell them that it's true. Really you have to stick with it, and it's not funny to anyone but me, but who really else matters? For instance I spend a good 15 minutes telling my Texas friends that the Shermers were actually named Shermans. I did this by saying things like, "Yes I lived with the Shermans when I was in Duluth." And, "I knew the Shermans from High School." And, "Don't ask them if they make tanks, they hear it all the time." So then it comes time to eat and someone says, "Get over here Shermans it's time to eat." Then the two groups merge and they start chatting and I get to see Christie's reaction as she thinks of how to politely say that her last name isn't Sherman...I guess you had to be there.

Anyway the wiffleball game started with me and the Shermans getting to the park early. It's a private park in the neighborhood my brother lives in and I've never seen anyone else there since I first started going there. That day though, the one day I plan an event, there happens to be a family reunion of some sort going on. They are hogging the two tables and grills, but luckily they just seem to be happy sitting and the field is left untouched. Christie, Amy, and I try to get a few swings in at the wiffleball before the rest of the group arrives, but that doesn't last long until one of local punk kids comes up and challenges us to a game. I of course except and seeing how he is about 65lbs and 13 yrs old I instantly start trash talking. We start playing and I can tell that my incredibly witty banter is wearing them down. Try as they might to trash talk back, they are no match for me and my 5th grade reading level. That's until one of them calls me an Oscar Meyer Wiener...which eventually leads to Jimmy Dean Sausage, which eventually leads to Beef Jerky...I am no match for a little man that knows his meats so well. Unfortunately for him I thrive on meat, so I really took it as a complement...plus I was wearing Jack Link's aftershave.

Me and the Shermans did other things as well. We went on a short hike (or according to Denise a long hike) with Todd and Denise and their troupe of dogs. We also spent most of Friday in traffic, which is always fun, and on Sunday Bonnie made us Easter Lunch. All in all I believe the trip was a success and the Shermans fear of visiting was proved unwarranted. We ate a lot of good Texan food, played some games, and I dominated them all at mini golf. Now Christie is off to Africa and Amy to Angora...I don't know who has it worse.
Thanks for coming...

Me striking out Christie

Amy and Denise were lucky enough to stand next to me

It took us hours but Hulu Hut was worth every minute

Movie time

I don't particularly like going to the theater and probably only go one time a year. I do however like movies and buy a fair amount of them. Most of the time I know nothing about the movie I am buying besides what the cover looks like. And you might not be able to judge a book by it's cover but you pretty much can sum up a movie by its. All the info you need is right there. They usually have the names of the top stars and a picture or graphic that displays the type of movie you would be watching. Put together the title with the art and who's in it and you can actually get a pretty good idea of what you're about to see. It won't tell you if you're going to like what you're about to watch, but you get an idea of what it is. If I'm really feeling like putting a lot of work into it I'll read the back. You can usually tell if the movie is going to be crap by how awesome they try to make it sound. Luckily for me I don't care if the movie is bad, I just like watching them regardless...well at least once. Anyway my plan is not fool proof but I've found it far more reliable than critics or even what others are saying. I still think two of the most over rated movies of all time are "Mulhullond Drive" and "Lost in Translation." "Lost in Translation" is pretty boring. And I understand that Bill Murry isn't suppose to be funny in it and that is the entire point, but what I don't understand is how this makes it good. Nothing happens...there's a lot silence and shots of him sitting on the couch looking sad and bored...it's pretty much like looking into a mirror as I watch the movie. I guess I don't think movies are good just because they are "artsy" in the same way I refuse to say that caviar is better than a hamburger...people will believe anything if they think it makes them a better person. "Mullhullond Drive" on the other hand makes no sense at all. It's not that it's confusing and I'm not clever enough to put it together...it's that it doesn't make sense. Sometimes I wonder if I'm wrong about these type of movies. May be it's that I'm an idiot and I only like movies that I understand. That these movies are made for me to understand and are wrapped in a coating of mystery so that I still feel smart for figuring it out. Or may be that is what movies are suppose to do...having a movie that has no plot or rhythm that you can follow is just bad film making.

That being said last night I watched "The Prestige" starring Hugh Jackman and Christian Bale. I bought it a long time ago and I remember liking it, but after last night I am going to have to say it's one of my favorites. It has a little twist at the end, which I think (no matter how corny) makes for a great movie. So I'm adding it to my favorites list. Here is my list, not in any order mind you, just a list of movies I really like:

1. The Fall
My favorite Movie I watched last year. The colors and sound are great and the little girl is adorable...not like that harlot in Little Miss Sunshine

2. The Terminal
Few would agree but it's pretty good. I like the idea of a man without a country having to live in the airport and even though the way he makes a living seems unrealistic it has a lot of charm...plus Tom Hanks is great.

3. O' Brother Where Art Thou?
I like mythology and I think using Homer's Odyssey in this way was really clever. Plus the songs are catchy.

4. Catch me if you can
I like a good caper movie. It's fun and smart and I could watch it multiple times.

5. Forrest Gump
Everybody likes an underdog hero even if he is fictitious. Again Tom Hanks is good and I just realized he's in a lot of the movies I really like...still it's a classic.

6. Cinderella man
Another underdog story.

7. Shawshank Redemption
Another great ending movie. First movie I can remember ever REALLY liking.

8. Misery
Cathy Bates is crazy good in this one. It's the oldest on my list but it really holds up.

9. The Prestige


So those are my favorite favorites

Madness I say!

Today must be some kind of Mexican Holiday...or some reason my neighbor across the street is blaring what can only be described as Mexican Polka. It seems to be enchanted in that no matter what room of the house I go to the music gets louder. The barking of one of my other neighbors dogs is the only thing that seems to drown it out. Unfortunately I need to hear some of the audio files for work so I can't just stuff my ears full of cotton. Also today randomly my "f" key has stopped working correctly. Almost every time I type a word with the letter "f" it doesn't register and I have to go back and do it again. It's rustrating....see.
Anyway it is Friday but this week was a blur as I was ill most of it. That's good and bad. Yesterday I went to the gym after not going for over 4 days. It seemed like a lifetime. I just did cardio and I had that weird kind of cold sweat that accompanies a workout when you're still semi sick. Also the night before I ate a bunch of asparagus and I swear that my sweat smelled like it at the gym...and I sweat a lot when I run at the gym...it's pretty embarrassing because when I'm finished I look like I entered the worlds worst wet t-shirt contest. To make matters worse the one girl under 40 who is actually quite attractive was there at the same time running next to me. I'm sure if you read her blog it will be about how "Sweaty Guy" is now called "Sweaty Asparagus Guy."
This weekend I have a birthday party to go to, and next week the Shermers come to Texas. I just realized this week that they will be here for Easter. I'm thinking we can have ham and cheese sandwiches.
Also an update on the "The Worlds Worst Personal Trainer." If you've been reading my blog religiously, first off I'm sorry, secondly you'd know my story about the big guy who ordered pizza at the gym. Well I haven't seen him or the two ladies around now for over a month so either they are working out at different times or they reached their target weight.

illin'

I've been ill this past week. I don't remember when the last time I was sick but it's kind of like going on a really bad vacation. I have the strangest dreams when I'm sick, probably due to the fever. On Sunday I was having dreams that my pillows and my blankets were competing companies putting up bids for clearing my sinuses. I really can't make this up...when I woke up I was lucid enough to realize how ridiculous it all was. I was tossing and turning all night trying to keep my nose clear so I could breath. I don't know if everyone is like me but when my nose and sinuses are clogged I can roll on side and my top nostril will then clear. The pressure then builds in my lower sinus and I have to eventually roll over to the other side. Then once again the top nostril clears and the lower gets clogged. Somehow this all translated to an all out corporate war between pillows and blankets. I think it also had to do with the fact that it was roasting hot in the house but I was still freezing...I imagine that is how most girls feel all the time. Being sick is not a lot of fun but it did allow me to watch a lot of TV and not feel like a slob....and I mean a lot of TV. Luckily on Monday I only had to suffer through 4 hours of work, and the rest of the day was spent watching TV and sleeping. While I was sick I watched 2 whole seasons of American Chopper on Netflix on the Xbox. I've seen a lot of the later episodes and I find it strangely enthralling. I've never ridden a motorcycle and I don't usually like a lot of unnecessary drama but it's an interesting show none the less. It really is incredible to see how far they have come in a short amount of time. Their first shop was about the size of my kitchen and now they have a building about the size of my neighborhood.
I also caught up on a lot of the shows I had Tivo'd. I watched a few episodes of The Office and 30 Rock. I really do think 30 Rock is the funniest show on television. It's so smart without trying to prove how smart it is. I hope more people watch it so it stays around.
It's not done there though. I also started watching a show called Life on Mars and I was pleasantly surprised. It's an odd mix. It looks and sometimes feels like a 70s cop drama, but mixed in is a weird dose of tiny robots and time travel. I started in the middle of the season so I'm a little lost but I have the feeling it's one of those shows that keeps you a little lost...like Lost. I like those types of shows as they let me think about what's going on.
Since I'm talking about television I feel I should mention the show Damages on FX. I haven't' watched any of the second season but I did watch the first on Netflix a while ago and I just have to say it was maybe the best television season I've ever seen. It was so good and they even set up a second season in a way that didn't ruin the end of the first. When I meet people who tell me they don't watch television I am going to tell them to watch Damages Season 1 and then tell me TV isn't any good.
You might think I can't possibly have more TV to talk about but you would be wrong. I've really been gorging on media this last month. Besides the working and working out it's what I've been doing. I've been watching Reaper from Netflix. I like it. It's times like these that I wish I could think of better things to say than, "I like it." I don't think my choice of vocabulary is helping to dispel the myth that TV rots your brain. May be if I described them like you would a glass of wine. I would describe Reaper as light and fruity with an oaky aftertaste....
Last night I discovered another Gem of a show. Hank Haney is teaching Charles Barkley how to swing a golf club. If you've ever seen him swing you'd know he has the worst swing in the history of golf. Here is a link to it. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s50K65PNeBU
Anyway as you can see it's terrible and people laugh. I never thought about it until I watched the show but Charles gets a lot of grief for it. Charles is a pretty good guy and when you watch the show you see how friendly he is and honestly good natured. I don't think I could ever be that friendly. Anyway you really see how much it bothers him that his swing is bad. Apparently he used to shoot in the 80s which is pretty good and somehow he has come to this swing. Now imagine you are one of the greatest basketball players of all time. You're a huge celebrity when it comes to sports and probably the most popular retired basketball player. You've won gold medals in the Olympics you played in the finals and been MVP of the league. You can sink a free throw to win the game with 30,000 people yelling at you, and every time you go on the golf course every little piss ant Tiger Woods wanna be laughs at you. I could take it. He plays a lot o golf and draws a big crowd at celebrity tournaments...and people laugh at every shot because they thinks he's a joke...That's got to be tough. The weird thing is that on the show he does fine on the range, but as soon as he's on the course he goes back to the weird herky jerky shot. It's like his swing has a speech impediment.