Stupid bankers

Banks today really make me angry...even the ones that aren't being bailed out by the government and the ones that aren't making loans to people who shouldn't be getting loans. When I moved I needed to switch banks and it has been the most difficult, frustrating occurrence in my life.

I have at least 5 stories that have taken hours out of my life and have cost me about 200 dollars in fees...all mistakes I had no control over. It's really frustrating when you're a little anal like myself and like to have all your bills paid the day you receive them in the mail. Anyway about two months ago I switched banks because USbank doesn't have a branch anywhere in Texas. So I take all my money out and put it in wells fargo. Then Netflix charges my old account 16 dollars, even though I had deleted that account from my profile. The nice thing about Usbank is that they don't do over draft they just take 200 dollars out of a reserve line and you pay that like a credit card. So now instead of having no dollars in my usbank account which I don't really have I have 184 dollars but owe them 210 dollars. So I ask them if I can send them a check for 26 dollars and they tell me no...I have to pay the full reserve line...and that I can't pay from my USbank checking account because it doesn't exist...even though I have 184 dollars in it. Makes sense...wait...FUCK NO it doesn't make sense. How can an account I don't have be charged? And how can I have 184 dollars in an account I can't write checks from? And why in the hell can't I just write them a check for the difference? Nobody I talk to on the phone seems to think this is odd or understands why this is a problem. So what I have to do is use the 184 dollars using the website...which makes no sense but for some reason I'm still able to log in. So I write a check to my self for 184 dollars and when I receive it in the mail I deposit it into my new account. So now I still owe Usbank 210 dollars...no the exact amount was 203.68. So I call them again asking them how I can pay this amount and the lady assures me that my account is closed and that nobody will be able to charge money to it. She then tells me that I have to wait for them to send me a bill in the mail for 203.68. So I wait. Meanwhile my job puts my paycheck into my account at USbank, instead of my new account at Wells Fargo. Somehow I don't have a bank account at Usbank, but they happily accept my paycheck but don't' put it into an account because there is no account to put it into. That's not my problem as I decide for that month to just get a written check instead of having direct deposit. So I deposit the check into my Wells Fargo bank account and they decide to put a hold on it. They can't tell me why...They WON"T tell me why. They don't even tell me they did it. In fact they take money from my checking and put it into my savings and since I don't have a paycheck in there like I'm suppose to they charge me 35 dollars...even though I have money in my savings, plenty to pay the amount they tried to take from my checking. I have to call them exactly 5 times before I get someone who understands the problem and realizes that it was their error. So they don't charge me the 35 dollars and eventually my check is deposited. Mean while I get the bill from Usbank saying that I owe them the 203.68 and that it is due on 2/05/09. I send the check immediately. It is deposited on 2/03/09. Which makes me mad as I sent it right away...and two days seems cutting it close. It doesn't matter though because I consider it done with. That's until today when I get a new bill for $2.15. The lady tries telling me that interest is charged daily...so when I when I received my bill for 203.68 on Thursday, by Friday it was a little more, Saturday a little more, and so on and so on...and since it didn't post until 2/03/09, $2.15 was the interest that had accumulated...It made no sense at all. I first explain to her how bills work. You are sent an amount. You are given time to pay that amount. If you don't pay by that time, then there are penalties or interest added. You don't pay interest on days while the check is in the mail...Interest isn't added daily. She argues with me. I ask her if she has a credit card. She tells me it's none of my business. I then laugh a little and tell her if she does it goes like this. My credit card company sends me a bill for the amount I have charged to it. If it's a 100 dollars and I send them 100 dollars then the account is at 0. They don't send me a bill for 100 dollars, then add some weird amount of interest until I send them a new check. If I don't send them 100 dollars then I am charged interest on the amount left over. Or if I send it late then I am charged interest on the entire amount. She then agrees with me this is how credit cards work. I then ask her what the difference is between the reserve line of credit...and a credit card. She says nothing. I tell her that I got a bill for 203.68 but really my minimum payment was $25. But I wanted this account closed so I sent the entire amount on time...which makes it a balance of 0. She then says "No." I then ask her if I do sent her the $2.15 won't I owe actually more because the $2.15 will be gaining interest while my check is in the mail making this a never ending process? She says and I quote, "No the $2.15 if paid on time won't get interest if paid in full." I ask her then what the FUCK the difference is when I paid the last amount. She can't tell me and I ask to speak to someone else. She puts me on hold for 35 minutes...35 fucking minutes...then she comes back on and tells me it's all taken care of and I should check back in a few days to make sure....I thank her for taking care of it, but am still wondering why the hell I should have to call them back to make sure they have fixed it...

i am going to ask to be paid in cash and I am going to bury all of it in the back yard.

Garbage Sale

One man's trash is another man's treasure...and I am that man. Today I made a conscious effort to do as little as possible. I had some work to do, but other than that I did pretty much nothing productive. I played video games, read a book, and watched some basketball on TV. All of it involved either sitting on my ass or laying on the floor...I really made an effort to be lazy. Surprisingly it is really hard to do. I don't consider myself a busy guy, or even a real go getter. My day doesn't consist of meeting after meeting with every second planned in order to get the most productivity...I don't even have an alarm clock. That being said I do go to the gym or work out everyday and it's to the point where I feel like complete crap if I don't go. It's to the point where I can' t enjoy myself unless I've been to the gym that day. Today for instance I convinced myself that from not going to the gym I have become diabetic...that I've gained 20 lbs, and I even felt like I was wheezing when I walked from the kitchen to the living room...It's ridiculous but I felt terrible...I couldn't do it anymore. I needed to do something...So I decided that I was going to go to the mailbox and put in my netflix and I decided to take the long way. I live on a big loop and the mailboxes are near one of the entrances to my road with my house in the middle. From an airplane it would basically look like the letter "D." Anyway I decided to take the long to the mailbox. I started running and instantly wished that I wasn't wearing slippers and about 300 yards from my house I saw that someone had already put out their garbage. Now garbage day isn't until Tuesday so I thought it was strange that they had it out so early...once I got closer I saw they were throwing away "Tony Little's Gazelle Freestyle Elite." I decided what the hell...I could use "Tony Little's Gazelle Freestyle Elite" so I picked it up and continued on my way to the mailbox. Luckily I don't know anyone in the neighborhood so I wasn't concerned that I was walking down the road carrying someone's trash in my slippers and my "Talk nerdy to me" t-shirt. Anyway, I made the entire loop and let me tell you that "Tony Little's Gazelle Freestyle Elite" gets rather heavy to carry after a half mile. I have no idea how to use it as it basically just feels like I'm swinging my legs back and forth and I'm not sure how to adjust the resistance, or even if it has all it's parts...but I'm still rather proud of my find. I also see that they are $175 dollars on ebay...what a find.

This is a real image I just found in a manual I downloaded for the gazelle...it's Tony Little and his face has clearly been photoshopped...badly...I thought it was funny so I had to put it on here.

Yes sir or ma'am

Today I finally got my garage door fixed. For some strange reason the people who owned the house before I moved in had decided that they were going to seal the garage door and make the garage into one big room complete with a ceiling fan. Today that was rectified and I am finally able to park my garage indoors and away from the harsh elements of the Texas climate (it was like 70 today...and cloudy). That makes me an oddity on the block as everyone in my neighborhood keeps their 30 thousand dollar cars in the driveway and fills their garage with worthless crap.
Today also reminded me of one my favorite Simpson's jokes. Since I rarely leave my home I can relate most stories and circumstances in life from an episode of the Simpsons. Luckily for me they cover a lot of ground. Anyway here is one of my favorite jokes:

Homer: Yeah I just parked the car in the garage.
Moe (sarcastically): GARAGE!! Oooooo LA TEE DA MISTER FRENCH MAN...GARAGE
Homer: What do you call it?
Moe: A car hole...


Also recently I was dog sitting for my brother and sister in law. They are two nice dogs named Chauncey and Baxter. Baxter is huge and a lovable lug...just like me. Chauncey is more like a cat. Baxter looks and moves like a polar bear and he kept me on my toes each day as he likes to take things out of the house and put them in the yard. For instance one day he took all the blankets and pillows and put them in the yard. Then the next day he took all the remotes and video game controllers and put them in the yard. I guess he just likes the yard to have things.

This is how Baxter Sleeps

Chauncey the cat/dog
He's like a big fluffy cloud


To the untrained eye it may look like I parked in the living room instead of a garage...but this is how I roll.

and I wonder...wah wah wah wah wonder...

Today I was doing cardio at the gym when I realized that I had forgot my headphones. All the machines at the gym have televisions on them and I usually watch ESPN while I workout or sometimes I read. I forgot how boring running on a treadmill is when you have nothing else to do. So there I was forced to workout for an hour with only my own brain to pass the time. Here is what I thought about:
I like it when people pronounce the "g" at the end of "i-n-g" words. So "running" is pronounced runninguh. There is a lady at the gym who talks like this and I like it. It's hard but I'm goinguh to try to remember to do it more often. Also I think it makes me sound more street and my cred isn't what it used to be...well as long as I can do it without sounding like Forrest Gump.
I've also been watching a lot of TV and I've noticed what I think to be an odd phenomena. Why is it that when two guys start a fight they always take off their shirts first. To me it seems like a strange choice of actions. If I were to be in a fight and the guy started taking off his shirt I'd probably punch him in the face while he was doing it. I think if you really want to intimidate the other guy you should take off your pants...that would confuse the hell out of them.
The rest of the time I spent watching a lady try to fit her SUV into a space marked "Compacts Only." First she tried just turning straight in narrowly missing the car on the side. She then backed up and went in at a better angle and was able to fit the car in there. The only problem was that there wasn't enough room for her to get out the door. So she backed out and turned around and tried backing into the spot. On the 3rd attempt she successfully backed into the spot to realize that she still wasn't going to be able to fit out her door. She then finally decided to park 3 spaces down in a regular sized space...obviously she was too lazy to walk the extra 15 feet, but it's a whole new kind of lazy when being lazy ends up being more work then just parking a little farther away. That being said guess who had the spot right next to the door? Me....

Nothing to do with Tiger Woods

Today I was sunning and reading in the back yard when I think I caught the neighbor lady spying on me through the cracks. I'm not sure what she was hoping to see as no matter what Rex says I rarely lay nude in my back yard. At first I thought it was the neighbor dog, so I went into the house and grabbed a chicken sausage to feed him. I then walked over to the fence and peeked over and to my surprise there was a lady running into the house instead of a dog waiting eagerly for his tasty treat.
I was in shorts and a t-shirt but I felt objectified. You ladies don't know how easy you have it. It's so hard to be a man now a days. We are bombarded with images of these freaks of nature on magazine covers and on television. Mean while you ladies have positive role models like um...Oprah and I'm pretty sure Big Bird is female. Anyway I want you all to know that I am not just a piece of meat..I'm a brain too...whole package baby.

On a side note everyone I know is getting married. It would be best for me if you all could get married at the same time in the same place so I don't have to make 10 trips to Minnesota this summer. It's just not going to be possible for me to go to all the weddings that are eventually coming up...lucky for me I haven't received any official invites yet... Anyway I'm pretty happy for all the newly engaged...everyone is getting so grown up and I still cereal that has prizes in the box....oh well.