Working hard for it honey

The last half a year I've been attempting to be less judgemental as I've realized some people take my sarcasm for outright malice. It's hard not to think things but I can try to not say those things. One problem is that I still think I'm funny, so I think them in my head and then just laugh out loud. Which makes me think if I saw a guy who just randomly laughed to himself, I'd think he was retarded and then probably laugh at something I though. Anyway when I go to the gym, I think things that are funny, and then I laugh out loud, so I've taken to wearing my ipod all the time so I hope people think I"m listening to something funny, rather than just laughing at them. I debate with myself over whether this makes me a jerk. I've always been told it's not nice to laugh at people. I'm not suppose to get pleasure from other peoples follies...but I do...I don't know how to change that. My counterpoint is that I really don't think I'm better than them. Putting other people down isn't my goal, my goal is to find humor in peoples weaknesses. What I'm secretly doing is projecting my own failures onto others and then laughing at them, which is really me laughing at myself...That is either really deep, or I'm really struggling to justify it...Either way I am what I am and I can't hold back some of my gym stories.

May be it's because it's the only place I really go daily, but I've learned there are a lot of strange people at a gym. I've been to three gyms and two of them had a lot of interesting characters. The third was the work out facility at Fortune Bay and I was the only person that was ever there. So that one had only one strange, good looking character.

My new gym is Anytime Fitness. I like that I can go there anytime...although I really just go there everyday at the same time. It makes me a little mad that I'm paying for all those extra hours where I'm just sleeping. I like the gym, they have all the weights and machines I need. I wish they had a basketball court though. Anyway on to the patrons.

There is a guy who I see at the gym almost everyday I'm there. He's absolutely huge. Not fat, just a cube of muscle. He always wears baggy blue pants, like he is a nurse, and then a tight fitting white t-shirt. I watch him in awe as he benches probably 5 times what I can without any trouble. Then one day he came in and was wearing shorts, and I suddenly realized that I've never seen him working out his lower body. His ankles are like my wrists. He seriously looked like one of those cartoons where the guy walks into a pool of pirahnas up to his waste and then walks out and is all meat on top with just bones for legs. I've seen the top heavy muscle man before, but never this drastic. I decided that he was working out for a role in a movie, where he plays a man in a wheel chair, so I've call him Joe, like the guy from Family Guy.

I've noticed some similar personalities between the YMCA and Anytime Fitness. There is already mentioned Joe. There is the guy that works out in jeans for some reason, and there is the guy that wears the tightest shorts he can find. I'm guessing at all gyms you will find these same types of people. Here in Kyle though I think we have one guy that is totally unique.

I have dubbed him "Worlds Worst Personal Trainer." He really is like something out of Saturday Night Live. First off he's one of the biggest people I've ever seen. I mean he's big, sadly big. I almost feel sorry for him except that he's at a Gym...he should try working out. Except he doesn't work out...he is training two other ladies. It's the oddest thing I've ever seen in my life. The guy is so big that he literally gets winded from standing and has to sit down. I don't understand any of it. I try to imagine a scenario where these two ladies would hire this man to be their personal trainer. They are big ladies, but together I'm pretty sure they still don't weigh as much as their trainer. Anyway there are two scenarios I have come up with. First, he really is their personal trainer. He does try to instruct them after all. I see him trying to help them do their exercises correctly. He's too big to do them though so it's hard. But I am starting to think that there is something strange with the three of them. I'm thinking that he's married to both of them. Sometimes he "helps" them. He stands behind them and reaches around them and will guide their arms as they do something like bicep curls. It's incredibly creepy. No real personal trainer would do that. He's big so he has to smush himself up against them, and even then he can't reach their arm so he's really just grasping at their elbows. Then when they do the treadmill he just sits in a chair and watches them. And he just sits there and kind of wheezes...he creeps the hell out of me. And the ladies seem to think it's normal so they creep the hell out of me. Usually I find humor in these things and at first I laughed a lot when I'd see them...but after watching them I have decided that there really has to be something dark about it. But then yesterday I had one of those laugh out loud moments...one where I probably shouldn't of laughed. I was on the treadmill not really paying attention to the big guy and his two students. I look out the window and I see a Pizza Hut car. I first think, "Ha...the pizza hut guy works out here, I should take a picture of his car outside the gym, that would be ironic." But I was wrong. He wasn't coming to work out. Someone had ordered a pizza...at the gym. It was that personal trainer. He didn't just order 1 pizza. He ordered 2. When the pizzas arrived the two ladies got a on a treadmill and he sat down and ate pizza. An entire pizza. Then he started eating the second pizza...but he didn't eat it all. He shared two slices, one for each of the ladies on the treadmill. So there I am on the treadmill with a lady on my left eating pizza and walking, and a lady on my right eating pizza and walking, and the worlds biggest personal trainer sitting in a chair in front of me scraping the cheese from the boxes. I couldn't hold it in. I laughed...pretended it was something from the TV and then quit. I then looked at the guy who was working there and we shared a silent brief look of , "yeah I don't know what's going on." I admit it. I've eaten an entire pizza before...and recently. I mean I eat a lot. I've had two Baconantors from Wendy's before. Since I started working out I eat at least 3 times more then I used on a daily basis...but never...ever...ever will I eat Pizza Hut at the gym...may be right before and after...but not while I'm there.